Friday, September 26, 2008

I need a head check

Here's what i think of bomb blasts and how it will shape our future. the idea of a bomb blast has been imposed on me since i was a kid. I wouldn't let the reporter's objectivity come into this perspective. pure, biased subjective views on bomb blasts:

1. stay home. dont step out. forget about escape routes. there are none. you be home, stay home-delivered food. a private security guard from a giant supermarket would come where you have invested tonnes of money will deliver your lunch. the private security guard also has a camera his eyes, not just to make sure that the 'right' transaction is taking but also to make sure if you are not assembling any explosive. (if you are a pyromaniac, get a license to burn yourself when you feel like)

2. for that bonus feeling of security, dont keep a gun. tell the state that you have been a tax payer, so you need security, you want all the unwanted, wretched people to be removed from your vicinity. there should be a garden of eden right before your eyes (even if it is virtual)

3. religion should be banished. all the temples, mosques, churches, gurdwaras, references of god. of spirituality, of devotion, of adoration, of simplemindedness should be bombed. or better still let religious leaders openly declare that they have invested in the shares, and then dont buy their shares. economics decides religiousity.

4. call your neighbours and find that strange looking man/woman hovering near your house. he has no rights to be there. call the bomb detection squad. make sure you remove the word "detection" from this squad. they are meant to legitimise your rumour. not detect any goddamn bomb.

5. when the bomb squad comes with the sniffer dog, check the pedigree. blame the cops for not maintaining the dog. feed the dog and dont forget to collect the dog's sperm for your future pet. your ideas about cloning needs to be checked. (plus it will be your own homegrown weekend experiment)

6. if the bomb squad is not friendly. you have media. call the local channel reporter. dont believe what he/she says, check their cameras (oh! how come you are not using a tape :))

7. shout when the prime minister or any favourite leader comes and addresses your nation on TV. your shrieking would wake up the other neighbours. please assume that they will also do the same thing.

8. stay away from young people. they doubt and you doubt too. when two different sets of people doubt, there is more ignorance. ignorance leads to bombings.

9. hurl abuses at local website asking your views on terror. tell them how you love to hate. sing a couple of Rammstein songs.

11. believe in death. this is how it operates: five deaths on a road will get you a speedbreaker. 20 - a divider, the road becomes wider too. 30 -- a manned traffic signal. 40 -- automatic traffic signal. 50 -- CCTV cameras in the traffic signal. 60 -- a flyover. 100 -- amusement or a traffic park or a memorial for the dead which turns into a swank dating spot for lovebirds ( the road did not follow the contour map of the city. this place doesnt need a road, it needs peace may be in form of an amusement..thank you)

10. dont call yourself a fascist. you are not a fascist. you dont want any more bombs. because you know bombs are these interesting devices to make a propaganda come true. they can be planted anywhere..anyone can make a bomb and do it for you. you just need that post-modern courage. (laughter ...painful shrieks)